a sideways glimpse

I made a 'dry' comment about having a job that allows me to disassociate and take risks... i'm reiterating the dry part because of a comment under that blog,(truth in advertising).... along the lines of 'oh that must be how you played a lesbian  in a movie or 2.. '

i don't actually disassociate. that would be mentally unhealthy. to live to breathe, to function as a full human, to act, you must be grounded in your body, it's the instrument in my particular job. that was a blog about actually remaining present in your body, and conquering fears when the stakes are high, like when you're testing for a movie w/ so and so, or standing next to a not tame lion.... thus the before and after shot. one is pure fear.... the next is someone settled in and confidant. well, confidanter. if i do say so myself.

i also did not 'disassociate' to play a bisexual or lesbian chicks in a few movies.. i like men personally, but sexuality is sexuality, full stop, so it was simply about taping into..... sexuality. (and the director made us practice kissing cause we were giggling too much). we shot it when we were grounded enough to play the scene.

Btw, that's why i love acting.... the chance to get in the mind of people different that me.

i love that people read and or comment, and i really appreciate that people relate to characters i've played.... but this isn't a blog about what you think I think, it's a place to relate your stuff, .....and if tweeting German or blogging curse words upsets you, maybe me blogs not for ye.
it is for me.... that much is True.

im Abschluss

Es war ein Scherz Sean Penn, und könnte sich als nützlich sollten Sie sich von einem asshole auf Berlin konfrontiert kommen.

and on other note.... 
Tennis' New All-American Sweetheart: Seventeen-year-old blond phenom Melanie Oudin has taken the U.S. Open by storm...

how much i would have love for either of the Williams sisters to have been described in such (minus the blonde) when they were teen phenoms... not to take away to all from Oudin. she's an exciting new addition to a sport i love.  i just wanna be described, for once, as all american too.

useful german phrases

10 ways to say "F*** off!" in German

germanheit:

1.) Verpiss dich!
2.) Verzieh dich!
3.) Mach die Fliege!
4.) Mach dich vom Acker!
5.) Zieh Leine!
6.) Hau ab!
7.) Schleich dich!
8.) Mach dich weg!
9.) Fahr zur Hölle!
10.) Scher dich zum Teufel!

Reblogged: germanheit

my friend Mapa & i tweet less in german, than a combo of german, mangled with english... if you want to know how to say hello, there are a million translators..

the thing about having a blog is i say what i want, cause it's me blog.. if offends you.. so be it, and let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Carpathian mountains anyone?

almost a full moon... it's super saturated with secrets this one.. Bet my long gone never known gypsy great grandmother would've gotten it to spill it's bounty in light whispery strings. Alas, i am not her...though her unknown-ness tingles my imagination...

What was she like... Was she clever, revered, reviled?... i've decided/ will pretend she was a grand feminesta of her time with castle/moat combo i covet so much. that's what i do with family I've  never met. or maybe it's just collective cosmic memory rearing up... but, when i have my castle, and it maybe in Scotland, cause they're cheaper there... after the central heating is installed... i'll say i told you so, but my friend said- no need, i'm confidant you'll get one... but yup, i digress.

My Dad ws any only child,  i only met his mother once, which turns out was enough...she was old and sad;  i wanted to buy/get her a dog so she had something to love & receive love from.  So very shriveled was she from its deprivation.  She declined the dog, in retrospect she might have made  coat out it, so alls well that ends well....
in dreams you can see the soul sans the frailties of this human personality, and these unknown woman with their eastern european lineage and resiliance fascinate me  (do they roll in their grave at  me, this bohemian brown girls, or look on w/ curiosity & delight?)

Must more eastern european countries on my travel list..

some places, like Greece, i've been twice or more others still my on my to get to list...

Machu Pichuu/ Peru
Egypt
Turkey
Hungary
and any/ all of Asia...

ramblings on rumi-nations

" Talking is pain. Lie down and rest, now that you've found a friend to be with." - Rumi
ok... i love this one it, so open and trusting... trust is based off actions, not words...

I will admit to finding Hollywood, a small intricate fantasy filled city, a sabotagey community... sprinkled with roses i tend as precious as le petit prince did his one..

it's a city that can be an Oscar Wilde smiths 'we hate it when our friends become successful kinda place..' i imagine it's quite the same in any field actually..

i miss the straight forwardness of NYC, in your face there (as i recall), here they smile in your face, all the while....
And yet, i do love this city and call it home, it's physical beauty entwined with the heavy armor one needs for protection here... i'd put it down.. but it serves me well... at times.
i will now demonstrate my perception of LA by performing 'this town' from the 80's band the gogos.( you should now totally picture me singing & dancing to this offish key...)

This Town by The GO-GO's

'We all know the chosen toys

Of catty girls and pretty boys
make up that face
Jump in the race
Life's a kick in this town
Life's a kick in this town
CHORUS
This town is our town
It is so glamorous
Bet you'd live here if you could
And be one of us
Change the lines that were said before
We're all dreamers - we're all whores
Discarded stars
Like worn out cars
Litter the streets of this town
Litter the streets of this town

song still stands up for what LA can be, if you look the wrong way. i've very recently switched views; not only did it help crick in my neck, i appreciate the people i can sit/lie in silence with. no babble, no actress/business person, no anxiety, just pure trust. that's love. that's godhead as Gregg Araki would say back in the daaayyyy....

Rumi rumination

"Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent." - Rumi

The way you make love is the way God will love you -Rumi

" Talking is pain. Lie down and rest, now that you've found a friend to be with." - Rumi



these have been running through my brain.. to be patient, in silence and have infinite faith.... oh, and to know that making love compared to having sex- is seeing god.

to learn to dance gracefully in the rain, with patience and love.... these resonate for my life path...
have you ever found yourself staring at the same old thing, trussed up in a spiffy new package? no matter how shiny, i like that these days that i spot it sooner... than later... so i try to quiet myself, feel the movements around me.... things change on a dime when you're open to your intuition.
less and less of the takers get through... almost like they don't exist.. there's a comfort in that.

'the way you make love..' -is it to fulfill the base desire, or is it about a cosmic connection... both are completely valid and human. i find sometimes the bigger the stakes.. heart, vulnerability.... the greater the sex. though nothing wrong w/ hedonism if that's you're bag.... just my preference.

to lie in silence, with a friend, ahhh heaven.

I've been really drawn to getting a tattoo lately.. what's that about?

vlog- film critic pals, bad movies and/or the average day in LA, sans glitz & sleep.

for those of you who were like- more you in vids...here's plenty o' me doing nothing... on not enough sleep. probably sorry you asked right about now huh? pretty good proof i'd bore the F outta you

i disagree... respectfully w/ thee Nietzsche.

"The lie is a condition of life." - Friedrich Nietzsche

maybe the above is a truism, when you really mull it, i mean sure, right?...
but i can't breathe under such restrictions...
for better or worse I've always spoke the truth... 'disconcerting little thing' to adults, i was as child, stripping the emperors clothes off without awareness... yet so sensitive was i to the truth, i must've known somewhere the effect words & a look can have.... even then.
now, i know when to hold my tongue, or to parse it with truthful gentle compassion..it's a more graceful way, clumsy girl/woman that i am.
the truth will always be the most seductiveturn on in the world for me... well, that and humour.. oh and a brilliant mind, and...

to do, or have done list.

lick Alec Mapa, have massage gift certificate, money from far and wide, and tarty pic of self at the ready. oh and somebody suggested dancing pantless in copious amounts of foam in foreign country. fair enough.
i made this a blog cause a real friend on the FB said and i quote "rachel: that is by far the weirdest post i have read yet. Bravo!"

secret this & health care.

I'm aware i know a very little teeny tiny bit about a lot...still love learning and listening, I'd give that the big ups to staying young at heart btw...
along those lines I wish people who'd watched 'The Secret', via endorsement from Oprah- would've done follow up reading and realized Secret was a truncated version of concepts culled from great writings, cleverly repackaged for Americans @ '97.

At some point you have to go deeper than saying to your buddies or self when the shit hits the fan, 'well, you must have attracted the negative to you'. that's only a part of the whole, and comes off patronizing. It's about 'what shall i do now', which path next to attain my dreams, not 'this is all fault' that's um, negative thinking right? not to mention, what happened to compassion for self or others in this equation?

Babies and virgins being raped to "cure" adults of hiv, ink stained fingers cut off for voting, arms hobbled for the western diamond market, kids in sex slave trade market,ARE NOT souls guilty of attracting that particular negative fate. geography seems to play a bigger part frankly.

so hopefully we all go deeper than - little bobby wants a bike, cuts out pictures of said bike, sulks long enough, finally gets bike from grandpa because he thought 'it '. we do give life with our thoughts, positive or negative... but in my world- lil bobby could of mowed some lawns and helped himself out, get some dosh, and gotten the bike a whole lot sooner, by helping himself. not just asking... but asking with intention and doing what you can to help the butterfly wing ripple up change.

so this made me ponder that:
I'm as confused as american re the health care mess/debates.. it's just weird to see poor people fighting it so hard. To 'hate' the President of only 8 months, who by all appearances is trying his hardest to work out the huge pile of crap, dumped in his lap by 8 yrs of bush, seemed misplaced anger. BTW hells yeah, i wrote of everything Bush allowed, now i can't...That's all right, it's now fairer to the average bear, in fact. wouldn't it be nice if it was less about I, more about WE, and we as a people coping with growing pains of adolescent America?... or, um, like shouldn't it be?

why all the twitter hate for Pres Obama? why are people who need health care in usa the most!? busy making posters of our Pres w/ a hitler moustache.... seems a waste of energy to me.

why is that so scary all these years after Hillarys attempt? is it the semantics of phrase socialized?
Even stupid people who pay their cable bill, buy a ps3 & video games first before taking themself to the doctor when sick because it cost too much, will benefit. and nobodies ganna kill your grandma or unborn babies under ANY plan. why the surge campaign of screwing self and others out for losing needed medical care?