Monday, December 14

meme's & you you's

@Rachel True sty town to thompkins sq pk library, cobblestones beneath, icey blue above, endless possibilities ahead. saturday mems of yore. 

posted that on fb & twitter i think, nothing deep, just an old memory that expanded would have read something verbose like... "oh neat, I'm remembering walking from sty town alone, along cobblestones and snow to thomkins sq park library etc bla bla bla".. it was just a flickery flash memory... {flash mob meme of the mind?}

~those cobblestones made me happy as a little kid in NYC, paved over but tenaciously enduring, I could relate to them. (but then again, i thought round subway girder bolts were dinosaur eggs)... oh & that beautiful church at 2nd & 10, where Coopers buried & surrounding courtyards between buildings on E. 11th..&~ 

ANYWAY... some person i don't know, comments on FB.. 

them-you  can do better, and come back dowm to earth... etc

so i'm confused, because it's my memory and all so i comment something snarky like-wow, thanks you really understand me.

them-Without critics to keep us grounded, we are nothing but floating space bunnies.

i write- 'if you're looking for grounded this may not be the page for you.' i mean, that's the truth right, i like silly riddles and um, it's the net and all so why are you critiquing me?! it seems bad form. i don't go round to random strangers pages ripping their status. why? because i don't care.and if i care, i doubt i'm dumping on person. i'm cracking a joke or saying hi.

them-maybe so, but it might help you out to return back to earth every now and then. Just look at what happened to Tila Tequila. Shes out there lingering in the alpha centauri system and showing no signs of coming home. besides, u can do much better.

now I'm really confused.. do better what, smuck?... have better childhood memories? who are you anyway? oh wait... i don't care. so finally i end it all with... the very grown up wording-

-read you latest status re 'whores'.... my parents say we can't be friends anymore. buh bye.  

person tried to re friend me w/ message that i needed expletive expletive, & was too sensitive. no- i just didn't give a seriously, not my vibe. so why have that energy around me, yknow.

why write post on silly banal negativity, at all?

one more push to get others to dig you don't have to agree w/ others, think the same, (my, that'd be boring!) but...this above exchange.... is a prime example of how not to introduce yourself to a stranger in real life, or on web.

pretty standard move of 'put a person down in attempt to get attention'. that gets you blocked, you're not in grade school nor am I your mama.

when you follow & tweet only me whether nice or mean.. red flag. make some more friends, you'll like it, twitters like soooooooo much more fun that way. plus, i'm rather dull, you'll find.

when you comment on something you don't understand, before sharing thoughts that 'I must be' -xy i could give  shit- might i recommend Google. it's this really neato website, and comes in super handy. 

we don't all get along w/ in life or the web. being 'friends' & 'connected' etc is not an invitation to be rude... or to actually hang out.

i've commented etc people to no response ever... or maybe they have responded, but when they don't..... it's not personal towards me, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THEM, are you seeing what i'm getting at? AT ALL, LIKE EVEN A LITTLE?

down w/ the negativity. 

Happy Holidays! True.

Friday, December 11

this i can say...

having delusional stranger fixate on you, email your blog w/ lewd content, & physically follow you- could happen to ANYONE, & it’s criminal.

my point-its an amazing beautiful life, you just have to keep your eyes open along the way. being a little kid in NYC trained me well.

shout out to the police officers and detectives who help keep us all safe.

Hey December...

these are the moments of Scorpio Phoenix silence...
hope you all are well, safe and sound. xx True

Tuesday, November 17

somebody needs to get her winter hair colour on...

 epitome of, hmmm....
what to do w/ ones hair,
when it's curly yet not curly,
and highlights are meandering
into that shade o' blonde.

Saturday, November 14

happy birthday to me.

in those big birthday books everybody has, mine has 2 meanings..
the the day of the Encounter, and the day of Grace.
i look forward to many more graceful yummy encounters  ♥✰✈... and i'm thankful for the gorgeous ones i've already experienced... and the awkward graceless moments, i learn and grow from every single time.

when i was a girl...i was taught to be realistic, but i spent all my time imagining, dreaming anything possible... ;  )

Sunday, November 1

to pair or not to pair?

my friend snapped this...i see me, shy, dazed, & confused that the world keeps going by... (this is not smizing, as tyra would say)  girly woman me as always,  but it's like there's this view i'm missing... and it's right there in front of me...

Anyway today my twitter question was-
never married, because i never wanted to divorce. are we meant to be together a lifetime? i don't know, so i'll just be here now.
i got differing responses, mostly not regarding my query, but rather focused on marriage & projection.

@aliyasking wrote-  RT @racheltrue never married, because i never want to divorce. [so don't audition bcuz you might not get the part? Or show might not last?]

 my reply to her-
@aliyasking you assume too much. i didn't say i don't love... i simply questioned life long marriage.

to question the institution of marriage, (a luxury everyone should have, regardless of orientation) isn't a denial of love. the two aren't mutually exclusive. i love ♥, marriage=tax break to me though, & so many different things to different people.

SO, do you think people are meant to pair up for life?
have you experienced truly happy couples of 10 or more years? are your parents still 'happily' married?
i know a few couples like that, as well as a few i don't socialize with anymore because the lack of having each others back was palpable.
i do think some are meant to find each other and take the journey together.. I'm a romantic American girl raised on promises and the Red, Blue and Violet fairy books... 
and i also believe some souls meetings are meant to be brief encounters... with lasting finger prints.

all hallows eve...rocking on w/ my Nov Scorpio self.

"You're a Scorpio Water Faery"
adorable undrunk boy said. "See me when you're grown" I said with a goodbye cheek kiss. him sweetly laughing, calling, "c'mon, let me give you my num... email...?" as I walked away.(i trust if we are meant to met up someday we will, and that's a bet)
how bloody great is that for any gal, btw nice to feel 'seen,' probably cause I was relaxed, and 'appreciated', probably cause i was 'mellow' me, not wound me. 
The reflection for me is-
A. how like totally fun it is to be flirty! (i know, duh) and um,
B. could learn to conquer nerves and finesse it when the stakes higher. When it's fairly innocent or 'practice flirting' I am, or can be..... lovely, smart, quick,concise, witty, (swear to god, you should see me, i'm very good at a party...) 
So the goal is to become... more and more comfortable in my own skin. May require a chrysalis mayhaps built for 2, or  simplyhanging upside down for a while in Dagoba swamps, to emerge a more present lady when the boy is an interesting/ interested present man. i see the work i can/have do on myself... and know it will take patience with myself & in the end probably a very specific kooky smooky cool dude who'll desire to share himself and delight in discovering layers of the true and truth.

Saturday, October 31

for the ♥ of love ♥


"i feel stupid, and contagious"...sums up dating.
i think it's the same way i felt at this age-----------> (look at that hair & same suspicious look!?)

i admit, I love... love.... not just it's first flush, or the subsequent heart felt flutters, or the lusty luxurious days spent exploring....,but all of it. the digging in and learning/growing, because you want to, because the person means that much, you trust you'll be safe. a great fabulous payoff is sex gets exponentially more intense the deeper you go with each other.

but quite often... i talk too much to cover my nerves with new people, which only serves to hide my intelligence.... i pick up on energy and unwittingly bring up the very thing they're sure they've hidden from sight. mostly, the dudes aren't listening anyway, and if they are they are, i'd love a dollar for every time one says " i don't want to talk, or  have intimate conversation... i just wanted to blow off some steam with you" ...or in other words, 'be the image i have of you.. silent, frozen, lips slightly parted, w/ a manufactured look of desire... y'know, like your pictures, or movies...' 
how do i end up in these situations.. is the real question for myself... and for you-

i will let you down... if that's all you seek from me.

 go blow & fuck yourself average dude.  xx True

p.s. addendendum  
left this blog on the note that the question for me, is of course, what or why do i attract these dudes. that's for me to figure out, not you. i have a lovely collection of ex's btw... brilliant & talented all of them, (except the one w/the 8 pack.. but he had other attributes..)i have much respect for them all, despite their being ex's.
blog isn't a whine as much as.. the actuality of dating the usual suspects of L.A..
and let me not leave out that, just as certain men aren't for me, i've had an equal amount of men i've adored for one reason or another be, um... just not that into me. and that's life.
el fin.

Tuesday, October 27

totally needed this in college.... (via.. @dreamhampton) reblog from Paulo Coelho's

I am not in the state below currently (thank Allah)... but i have been plenty, So, when saw this I thought what a great reminder that despite loves delight to wound, and see us bleed, it is also exquisite, joyous, yummy and oh sooooooo worth it. ♥ 

reblogged from Paulo Coelho’s Blog

Monday, October 26

Speaking of (not my) kids...

baby love

rest assured if i watch your kid, i will absolutely put kid in laundry basket o'fun at some point. 

Lastly one of my curls fell across his face & you get Baby Rabbi or Rabbi Baby if we're following  muppet babies lore...

Saturday, October 24

kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

      I've done super neato stuff like this..
and other stuff, like making movies on location, travels with friends and lovers around the globe (totally awesome!)
 kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

I'm not sure I've even played a mom, then my sister goes has a real live toy baby. Thoughts of my own indifference/ desire for children.. i've always wanted them, figured i'd have one... i just never really thought much about when etc. I trace back to childhood, (living in a podunk white Town, technically a Village) the message via the media & my own parents was- 'black girls get pregnant just looking at dudes...bla bla blabla bla  bla'. that mythical over sexualized image of 'black girl' as whore continued on through college... always weird to meet a college age kid who believes jews have tails and every brown girl owes him a blow job. it all left small scabby scars, that years later, I'd open up, make peace, rub bio-oil on, and be content that I don't tend to keloid. 

 I totally look forward to (possibly) having a kid,and whatever encounters/ adventures the futures yet to proffer..  being here now, present in this moment is enough.

 being here, right now, is gorgeous.

i learn a lot hanging with my friends & their baby loves, kids will lay some amazingly deep shit on you if you listen, some of my best teachers have been under 10

side bar- Alec Mapa and his husband J. are in the process of adopting a child, he invited me to his 'child care' classes, which i declined. I've strong suspicion he invited me in case they get a black baby and need hair help.

my sis and 8 month old True, who looks just like our dad did in baby pictures.

noel trueman footprints
there's just no denying being a mother looks sublime.
sculpting, nurturing  little minds looks more challenging than walking a lion.
anyone can put their own life in their 'own hands', driving, walking about town, or walking beasts...but can you put someone elses new life in your hands...i mean, that kid is not moving out anytime soon!

PS- Side bar-these were some of my minds rules as a kid, bless my twisted heart

  • never eat watermelon in public
  • never eat watermelon and chicken together in public
  •  never get stuck carrying what was called the 'ghetto blaster'
  • remind that one teacher to not call me Racial, goddammit.
  • become invisible despite/because i looked different
  • read lot's of books to deflect from reality of an upstate NY winter  
  • be self depricating when scoring highest on tests or suffer the white wrath.
  • never call attention to self.
  • see above, except while on the bass guitar in 'jazz' band; go wild w/ you fender precision bass playing self, (ps. future you says what's up w/ the headbands girl!)
  • never ever wear bangs again (oy, baby rachel)
  • beinvisible -became one word for me.

Tuesday, October 20

I too, read books with my awesome breasts, Meghan McCain!

So everyones blogged about Meghan McCain flashing her um...ta-ta's,
or cleavage in a pic on twitter, proving she's just like the rest of us... fallible, full busted and not above a tipsy twit pic.... i would have loved if this pic was ironic, though i think the way you see it, is, as she intended. You, go you republican gal. (ps. if that's moneyed hair, tighten that shit up girl, get ya roots done, and might i recommend a good deep conditioner...)
kidding aside, I think she's very smart clever & witty. She's done a NOH8 picture already, and I see a bright future in (sigh) republican politics for her. when making the talk show rounds she certainly proved she has brains to match her um.. er... twins.

my friend, bestselling author Erica Kennedy has new book out, Feminista, that you all should check out, it's gotten great reviews everywhere and reading is fundamental!

so....I thought i'd McCain it for her, tongue firmly in cheek, chest at the ready. left it in color cause that's how i roll.

why mccain it? absolutely no reason at all... we just like making 'mccaining it' a verb.
i totally know how to flip the image so you could read the books title, but i wanted to 'full on mccain it' because you deserve that. you're welcome. and yes, clearly, i as well could use a 'deep condition', and to 'get me roots done'.
what's interesting to me is... i couldn't nail the smuggy smirky!  I'm an actor, for smirks sake! it's a 'to the manor born' look- OR a 'had a few to many drinkys'- OR it's 'being 20 ish',- Or it's the 'pinched smile of a republican'... that i couldn't quite duplicate.. sigh. oh well, i'll survive.

below is the link for Erica Kennedys website, she's also the author of NY times best seller Bling. her blog is chock full of fun stuff, you must check it out!
 shes on twitter at @feminista09

ps-i get the whole look at me breasts angle, when you haven't had children, they are still toys to boys and for me, the things that keeps me out of shirts I'd really like to wear.. they've served me well though thus far. once at a breast biopsy, i said to the doc- "hey don't leave a big scar, i push these puppies up and make a lot of money on TV with them". (get your exams ladies!!!!!)

Who would i be to judge another clever cleavagey girl, with the caveat of, I probably WON'T be running for president one day... she kinda might run, and may wanna lay off too many of these pics. I'm an actor, nobody cares if i pull out the guns. ;- }
p.p.s- oh yes... musicians, authors send your cds/books and i'll mccain them for you too!

Tuesday, October 13

The fabulous Bassey Ikpi, ladies and gents...

This, is my twitter buddy @bassyworld - Bassey Ikpi, in action in South Africa. Her talent & strength in broaching subjects often swept away, (especially by poc) is honest,  visceral, inspired poetry.
Words that heal, & words that break your heart w/ naked truth. thanks for sharing them lady. (she's also hysterical w/ the tweets I might add.)

Sunday, October 11

my not very helpful hair and skin blog..

here's why i'm loathe to do a real blog re hair, or how to stay looking whatever...
i have no clue. no really... not a clue.  besides decent dna. (shaky on the teeth dentin thing though)

yup.. it's that simple and unenlightening. i don't drink nearly enough water... i washed my face with ivory soap for most of my life...never had a facial... i don't always eat right.. (that's another blog)
i've played around w/ expensive cleansers etc only to find, anything simple, like phisoderm even keeps my skin looking fine.
after my dad passed,(while working on H&H) i went on a junk food tear, (he always called me fat, so y'know i ate the death feelings down) was totally over weight, and did get cystic acne. I cut out the crap, lost weight, embeded zits went away. surfacey teenage white heads still come and go.
the trade off to youngish skin i find is, i sweat like a crazy person, for no reason. could be hiking, or just nervous and i'm um, glowing. maybe that helps flush out toxins... i dunno... my mother looks exceptionally young... tho I inherited her early graying of the hair.

which brings us to hair.. I'm no guru! just a  chick who happens to have some naturally curly hair. it's not relaxed. or permed, just wash and go, but since i dye the heck out of my hair, ( mainly because my dark natural color looks dense & blocky on camera, & to cover grey streak i inherited at 16.)
makes my hair fragile like a newborn kitten, like, it could split ends if you stare too hard.

when you see publicity or movie stills... the makeup and hair is done by professionals, cause i'm an actress and stuff....the candid pictures posted are much more true to life... i don't walk around w/ perfect curls, lit properly... i bloody wish. and in the NOH8 picture where my shoulder length hair is 3 ft long... um, hi, clip in fun hair. i don't wear for life, but i like creating illusions, it's my job. i knew fun hair would make a more striking pic for a great cause. them i unclipped it, back to the same old bob i've had since 20!

what works for my fine curls, may not work for you. my hair changed textures when i moved from humid NYC to dry CA, had to fine hair liked humidity, where as if yours is thick, different boat.

if i want that shirley temple look that i'm too old for, but old people love on me.. i twirl curls round my finger in natural direction while damp and there you have it.

i do recommend and am paid by none-
1. olive oil... i keep some in the shower, once a week-ish leave it in for a few hours or hair, shampoo out. not a bad body moisturizer either.
2. if you're in the money- i LOVE Kerastase. too f'ing expensive though, be warned.
3. Aubrey-organics GPB conditioner. i've use it forever, their web-site is full of comments from curly hair women singing praises. i find some of products too heavy..  gpb stands for glycogen protein balancer- in english, help moisturize when needed, fills in protein when needed. google them. oddly enough, they don't target black or jewish curl girls.. you can find in heath food stores. i love their primrose tanglo gro  for a spray during the day. oddly the spray for curly hair they have jus made my curls greasy & limp.
4. pure shea butter... once again i have to wash out, some of your hair make absorb it.
5.finesse made my scalp burn and hair fall out. allergic reaction, sure. but it sucked!
6. mixed chick hair products are pretty good too.
7. a good leave in conditioner, i even leave gpb in... and a good gel helps define!
8. sometimes i wet hair in showers or just in the sink with hands, run conditioner thru it, and leave in, but shampoo rarely as it's sooooo dry here.

most important remember, curls are delicate, all are different. accepting what you have and working with it is the best advice.  many occasion my hair feels like brillo fyi... which usually in LA means more moisture... x true

Tuesday, October 6

Where the wild things are movie review and dear diary update...

 my vey mini movie review-

 'Where The Wild Things Are' movie is very well done... delves beyond picture book images into the struggles of growing up, loneliness, admitting to, and taking responsibility for ones own actions...(y'know, stuff we big kids still struggle with...or this big kid still ponders...)
i loved the creatures realistic voices surprisingly sedate, thus letting you see the arch types clearly despite or because of muppets. i also appreciated its nebulous time setting, snow fort building is 'play', not video games and the few scenes that take place at 'home' effectively portray an alienated latch key kid struggling to fit in to his life.

Dear diary,

today i cut my nails w/ scissors, used clear lip gloss as lotion on an ashy spot at an audition, received a poetic streamy consciousnessy email from an old friend that made me smile and giggle out loud. traveled by tardis because sometimes i'd like to be there as opposed to here...need to see The Doctor. Oh, and I'm wishing dental visits had been higher on my folks list of priorities. just saying, oh so soft teeth o' mine.

PS- i have seen many many movies lately but have not made inane flip movies for you. You're welcome.

Saturday, September 19

somewhere in the middle again....

@rebeccawalker RT @jendeaderick Great illustr. of appeal/trap of trad role: remaining little girl, safe from ugliness, never in control. #madmen

I'm somewhere in the middle... have a younger-ish energy, according to people who meet me...the desire but not quite fully realized ability to rock a suit like a grown up, and yet, I'm grown, oh so very grown... and my safety is in the now, not the past or a childhood dreamtime of living amoungst faerie folks or characters in books to escape the then...

check out the Carrie Fisher repost an actor, but also as a woman i relate .... when someone comments 'you look tired'.. or what they want/expect from me..... i think.. when did i make anyone a promise to stay frozen in time at 25...and who asked you anyways stranger what you desire from/of me?
me and my no botoxing etc ass are quite comfortable with ourselves,how we look, what we do.... ayup, pulled out the royal 'we'. True

reblogged from

Weight AND Wisdom! By Carrie • Sep 6th, 2009 • Category: News

I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……
I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.
You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!?  I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.
But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!
I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations!  And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!
And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-
We now return to our regular programing……
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