kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

      I've done super neato stuff like this..

and other stuff, like making movies on location, travels with friends and lovers around the globe (totally awesome!)

but...

 kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

I'm not sure I've even played a mom, then my sister goes has a real live toy baby. Thoughts of my own indifference/ desire for children.. i've always wanted them, figured i'd have one... i just never really thought much about when etc. I trace back to childhood, (living in a podunk white Town, technically a Village) the message via the media & my own parents was- 'black girls get pregnant just looking at dudes...bla bla blabla bla  bla'. that mythical over sexualized image of 'black girl' as whore continued on through college... always weird to meet a college age kid who believes jews have tails and every brown girl owes him a blow job. it all left small scabby scars, that years later, I'd open up, make peace, rub bio-oil on, and be content that I don't tend to keloid. 
 

 I totally look forward to (possibly) having a kid,and whatever encounters/ adventures the futures yet to proffer..  being here now, present in this moment is enough.

 being here, right now, is gorgeous.

i learn a lot hanging with my friends & their baby loves, kids will lay some amazingly deep shit on you if you listen, some of my best teachers have been under 10

side bar- Alec Mapa and his husband J. are in the process of adopting a child, he invited me to his 'child care' classes, which i declined. I've strong suspicion he invited me in case they get a black baby and need hair help.

my sis and 8 month old True, who looks just like our dad did in baby pictures.

there's just no denying being a mother looks sublime.

sculpting, nurturing  little minds looks more challenging than walking a lion.

anyone can put their own life in their 'own hands', driving, walking about town, or walking beasts...but can you put someone elses new life in your hands...i mean, that kid is not moving out anytime soon!

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PS- Side bar-these were some of my minds rules as a kid, bless my twisted heart

• never eat watermelon in public
• never eat watermelon and chicken together in public
  
•  never get stuck carrying what was called the 'ghetto blaster'
• remind that one teacher to not call me Racial, goddammit.
  
• become invisible despite/because i looked different
• read lot's of books to deflect from reality of an upstate NY winter  
• be self depricating when scoring highest on tests or suffer the white wrath.
• never call attention to self.
• see above, except while on the bass guitar in 'jazz' band; go wild w/ you fender precision bass playing self, (ps. future you says what's up w/ the headbands girl!)
• never ever wear bangs again (oy, baby rachel)
• beinvisible -became one word for me.