Saturday, October 31

for the ♥ of love ♥


"i feel stupid, and contagious"...sums up dating.
i think it's the same way i felt at this age-----------> (look at that hair & same suspicious look!?)

i admit, I love... love.... not just it's first flush, or the subsequent heart felt flutters, or the lusty luxurious days spent exploring....,but all of it. the digging in and learning/growing, because you want to, because the person means that much, you trust you'll be safe. a great fabulous payoff is sex gets exponentially more intense the deeper you go with each other.

but quite often... i talk too much to cover my nerves with new people, which only serves to hide my intelligence.... i pick up on energy and unwittingly bring up the very thing they're sure they've hidden from sight. mostly, the dudes aren't listening anyway, and if they are they are, i'd love a dollar for every time one says " i don't want to talk, or  have intimate conversation... i just wanted to blow off some steam with you" ...or in other words, 'be the image i have of you.. silent, frozen, lips slightly parted, w/ a manufactured look of desire... y'know, like your pictures, or movies...' 
how do i end up in these situations.. is the real question for myself... and for you-

i will let you down... if that's all you seek from me.

 go blow & fuck yourself average dude.  xx True

p.s. addendendum  
left this blog on the note that the question for me, is of course, what or why do i attract these dudes. that's for me to figure out, not you. i have a lovely collection of ex's btw... brilliant & talented all of them, (except the one w/the 8 pack.. but he had other attributes..)i have much respect for them all, despite their being ex's.
blog isn't a whine as much as.. the actuality of dating the usual suspects of L.A..
and let me not leave out that, just as certain men aren't for me, i've had an equal amount of men i've adored for one reason or another be, um... just not that into me. and that's life.
el fin.


  1. Unfortunately, you have a handicap...being a public personality. Some men may have a certain opinion of you, and just go by these ASSumptions. Other times, they simply have no desire to learn about the woman and explore the intricacies of each other. How sad...for them.

    JMHO from a Seeker of knowledge and truth. Wherever it may lead, the road less traveled is always far more interesting.

  2. You have to stop dating punks, LOL. A real man doesn't have these issues, but real men are a little harder to find these days, good luck..

  3. Rachel, I'm glad your not going to settle! You may feel there is no one out there for you, but he's out there, waiting to meet you. Not knowing your looking for him also! You have wonderful qualities, and when your not looking, one day, you will cross paths and the story of love will begin. Trust in yourself, and the rest will follow..:-)

  4. I know what you mean, from a couple of different perspectives. Claudette Wells (Square Pegs, A Different World) was my childhood baby sitter. I remember seeing her in her first Burger King commercial.

    People treated her like she should be LaDonna or Daune Wayne's love interest - I got to know her in my teens as someone who wanted a normal life. Kinda hard when you hang out with Tracy Nelson and the Hollywood crowd and play that vixxen part.

    Good luck in love!

  5. Yeah Rachel I feel you with that,sorry people just can't look over your job or what you do,an just see you. Like I said a job is just a job,yeah it's a part of your life to,but it's really not who that person is inside...But hey people we meet in this world can be so 1% in the head sometimes(BORING)...But I to have women wondering about what I have or what I got going on,not giving a sh-t about my ways,an if I'll be right with them,that's why they always get these guys who do them like sh-t...
    LOOK a woman is talking and going with two men in her life,one have a car(she likes him more cause he has a car),the other one don't,one day the woman got sick real bad,an went to the hospital,she called the guy she likes with the car first to come see her,he said ok,but he never showed up,so she call the guy with no car,so after two hours pass,she started to think he wasn't going to showed up to,but he did....he said to her sorry I took so long,I had to take three buses,to come see you.

    Now who's the man that you think cared?

  6. Rachel,

    There is something about you that draw the wrong kind of guys to you. I think that's the fame part.

    But, I also think there's something about you that draws the right kind of guys to you. Your simple beauty, and being the kind of woman that guys would really want to get to know, to explore life and love with you. They see you as Rachel, the woman, the person. I happen to be one of those guys. Sadly, whatever number of us are out there, we probably will never get noticed because we're behind the guys who see Rachel the actress, their fantasy.

    But don't give up... that special one is out there, looking for you...and you'll find him.


  7. Like your friend said once "Waa waa..drink the tears of fame".Men who fell for Mona,Rochell, or any of your other previously played characters, and expect their personalities from you is a given.People are just that ignorant.Sorry..
    I'm sure you will find Mr.Right who will probably be a foreigner with a sexy look and accent, and has not the faintest clue who you are or what you've played in or who you've played as.Thats if you're into accents.
    But hey, arent you kinda a walkin contradiction.No offense but you seemed to have criticized what you are. You know, the people who want things they can't touch, and just want more and more.How about comparing that to the relationships from men you desire? You want there inner truth intimately and immediately, right? A person once said relationships are like pouring water into a glass.Its gradual, and maybe Mister Right needs a gradual progression into sharing truth.Just a thought.Then again, I'm just a 20 year old with much to learn in life, what do I know.


  8. Hi Rachel :)

    I don't know who you are,
    but I still find it funny to read ramblings from someone looking to find love. Also every post/tweet of you I read it's that I keep in the back of my mind somehow something going like "this is the kind of woman i would love". Even though you're almost twice my age.
    So why is it that finding love is harder when you're looking for it? Because you're looking for it, you will probably have an (very complex) image of how it will be/look like, in your head. Anything that doesn't really match your pattern (compiled from previous experiences mostly) will not be looked at a second time. (I just take this from my experience, if I think I'm looking for a small blue box, I def won't find it if someone painted it red. Same goes for shape)
    This 'expectation' factor is many times more killing for the love in the air than anything else. We should level before going at any pace the same, and from there just go with the flow together.
    Where I come from: I have never really chased or gotten the girl that I want, partly because what is told, "the right one for you will come". This reasoning works for relaxing the soul, for a minute, but your mind already knows that this doesn't connect to truth a lot more than "live by the laws of this god so you will have the best treatment from him in the afterlife". Standing still is equivalent to going backwards, they say where I live at. At this moment I have really just started 'studying', and experiencing my fair share in love. And still I stand astounded how many tricks the good girls know just to make themselves look less interesting, or impossible, to a good guy like me (yes, I see myself like that for starters because I am capable, and not afraid, to use or show honesty/humor/ambition/love/intelligence/trust). the >>... blabla.. BOYFRIEND.. blabla...<< is just one of the most seen examples. Isn't it hard enough already to try and start a thing from the beginning without too many issues from around and in histories. O well. We people will always stay constructing new kinds of smoke screens to challenge other people to check what they can see through it! And being part of other people's lives shall always be a thing to introduce to people gently, with that I mean slowly shift people's focus (focus has a magnitude and an angle if you look at it scientifically, translates to focus depth and direction) to it.
    If love is like hypnosis, which I am willing to believe, my quest will remain to be for that girl who has something to teach me as much as she's willing to learn from me - that's my long version of the word respect maybe. Now it seems to me that women don't like respect or honesty as much as they say they do; everytime I do like an honest guy I am totally being ran from :D. My last love would say I was "a bit too honest". I guess girls always used to flee away from me, but now I fail with style. That helps! I have game like a 16yo but fuck it, I'm fun to be with now since I'm having fun being myself
    D'you want to know what dating summed up would be for me? "I feel proud, energetic, but useless." Yeah that's why I gave up on it

    I figure that this probably doesn't relate to you very much, since I was typing it in a rush I'm just going to post it anyway, but know I would love to talk about things like this through another medium which would allow us to share our findings only to those we want.

    Also I want to write down nice stuff, for instance that you will find this love, etc etc, but it's just not fair to science nor to you so I won't.

    What is it that you are looking for in love?

    much love
    shine on


    PS this message will self destruct if no reply is seen whatsoever in a certain period of time :P.
    PPS o yeah dating sucks equally throughout the world. bless you!
    PPPS i like how you added one end to many to the word 'addendendum' - keep the repetitio strong :D.