Saturday, September 19

somewhere in the middle again....

@rebeccawalker RT @jendeaderick Great illustr. of appeal/trap of trad role: remaining little girl, safe from ugliness, never in control. #madmen

I'm somewhere in the middle... have a younger-ish energy, according to people who meet me...the desire but not quite fully realized ability to rock a suit like a grown up, and yet, I'm grown, oh so very grown... and my safety is in the now, not the past or a childhood dreamtime of living amoungst faerie folks or characters in books to escape the then...

check out the Carrie Fisher repost an actor, but also as a woman i relate .... when someone comments 'you look tired'.. or what they want/expect from me..... i think.. when did i make anyone a promise to stay frozen in time at 25...and who asked you anyways stranger what you desire from/of me?
me and my no botoxing etc ass are quite comfortable with ourselves,how we look, what we do.... ayup, pulled out the royal 'we'. True

reblogged from

Weight AND Wisdom! By Carrie • Sep 6th, 2009 • Category: News

I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……
I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.
You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!?  I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.
But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!
I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations!  And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!
And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-
We now return to our regular programing……
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  1. Rachel
    I just stumbled onto your wonderful blog...

    Been a fan since 1/2 &1/2
    so it was refreshing to read your
    posts that have such candor and

    I relate especially to the guy/grrll relationship stuff and but also being past 40 with all that wisdom living those decades teach those of us willing to take it in

    and yet retaining our youthful selves phyically and spiritually so as you point out it's an interesting hybrid..

    I believe we are the new paradigm..figuring it out as we go along ..after all when my mom was our age she was ..a mom!
    and single women at that time age were thought of as spinsters or old maids...

    more women today are upwards 40 plus mature and.....single...
    holding out for not less than the we've learned to be autonomous...

    you help deconstruct a bunch of meaningless myths

    thanx ..

  2. "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

    --Helen Keller

  3. don't sweat the haters! people just want bleach blonde plastic barbie dolls to represent beauty, not the true expressions of beauty...wisdom, intelligence, heart and a perfectly hot body filled with imperfection, and you're a true expression of beauty...remember that!

  4. Hi Rachel,

    I too just stumbled across your blog. I must confess: I haven't laughed this much in ages. Who knew that you're also a comedienne?!