that honesty twitter thingie bot

people can post their thoughts fairly anonymously....it's called the entire internet.

that cloak of safety isn't enough anymore for some... i knew on FB there was an honestly box.. because there'd be these things like "do you wanna know if anonymous thinks you're a good kisser" ... and i'd be like 'no, um, i don't...not really.'

recently on twitter i got a few posts from an anonymous bot... "someone thinks you're xyz" w/ xyz being a not so nice opinion about me.

thoughts-

scenrio A- if it's someone i actually know they'd feel comfortable expressing it to me in front of me, yup... even the hard stuff... it's what we do.

scenario B- a strangers who have desire to connect.. hiding behind their own avatar, isn't enough safety anymore.... they 'want' more....including one more layer of protection for themselves. i picture a bunch of really unhappy folks to be honest.... wanting more and more and more, trying to grab a piece.... of something they can't touch... and it threatens them... why would anyone want to suck another's energy?

I'd encourage one to worry less about me, and to focus on yourself and to finding own light... everyone has one...right? you'll find it so much more empowering than focusing on people you don't know.

I also receive a great amount of incredibly funny insightful intelligent fb comments, tweets, expanding on themes brought up,  i appreciate they don't try to analyze me... thank you ever so much for that.... it's all just puzzles and word games anyway....xx true

the right wrong-part of article from huffington post by Sasha Cagen

i'm posting this because while it seems to focus on negative, i think it more just states a reality. no need to lower expectations, but realize... everyone including ourselves comes w/ stuff... can you deal w/ someones stuff... and help them, and vice versa... i like thinking of relationships as partnerships... because you do wanna gaze lovingly at your dude and think 'wow, a human w/ foibles, but i wanna/gotta have me some of this yum yum. their issues may rub you the wrong way, or inspire you to see the gift of reflection in what's bugging you... hopefully the latter.


'-Andrew Boyd wrote book called Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe. One of the daily afflictions is “Loving the Wrong Person.”

Andrew writes, “We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. . . it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that you’re ready to fine a life-long mate. Only then do you finally know what you are looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you can gaze lovingly upon, and think, ‘This is the problem I want to have.’'

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sasha-cagen/radically-honest-online-d_b_289577.html

tripping the super funkadelic light fantastic way to end of universe instead of tripping down hole in front of me. ayup.

or shit- Mercury is like sooooo in retrograde.

it's a choice right?.... whether you fall into the abyss from fea or sadness, or steer the course of your life, starting with your mind, in another direction... get in your own tardis, of which you are your own time lord, circumvent, navigate the stars...

it's been one of those times when i have to admit Mercury in retrograde is kicking my ass... i've really been feeling it.....and my electronics, which i've lways had a convoluted relationship with, are indeed breaking down more. All communications have been tricky.... a misplaced word taken out of context... even thinking too loudly can be heard...

i wished to be invisible for a moment..mostly cause i saw this abc  prime time special about hitting kids, and the effects it has... reminded me i'd pretend as a kid (and older) i didn't exist so i wouldn't call attention to myself, but also so Iwouldn't have to pay attention to myself.... That behaviour may have been a tool to survive then, but dimming shine now only leads straight to staring in to the abyss, and me blinking first, which is not so much my style.

the business i'm in is about singing out, in showing off, showing in, shining. shining on cue as a matter of fact.

personally i love my shine, i loved it as a kid.... even got some of that steven king kinda shine, but that's another blog.... both kinds have helped me chart my path many time..

.

there will be an answer... let it be... as the Beatles and a friend reminded me. Still sorting the questions i think....
 PS-i really hate that RWR died almost a year ago now. i so get the soul moves on.. and his energy /soul is fine. i'm whining, yes i'll admit it... whining for me, our mom, his bride.. all of it, i still think it's freaky that was the 1st funeral i ever attended.  ahh...there will be an answer, let it be.

cards, ripe with hidden meanngs..

 
 readings like this simply remind you if you're open, and feeling it... anything can happen... DEPENDING on your choices... the bends in the road can be so tempting!

ah, but i also got the tower  and wheel of fortune...... that means there may be a foundation rocking change, good or bad, the wheel spins, and where it stops nobody knows, these cards came before the others... so i'd assume it means, eyes open to what the wheel of life proffers...just options and thing s to mull over...t hat's really why i like cards.. no easy answers, just things to meditate on, like even if you know nothing about cards... it's about what the images trigger for you depending on your situation... oh i do so love a good puzzle!

message from one of my fav ex's received today....

many moons ago in Holland w/ a poet

"when will you seek out the poet? Piers plays at Hotel café LA on the 23rd just so you know darling.
how are you? great to be in touch with the beauty India from hollywood, lets do a catch up some time. am in paris - been and done lots you know.... big sloppy kisses and strong hugs to you my girl, Dom."

i still have such affinity for this serious minded brooding writer and poet...we met in college.. NY dimly lit memories.... He's always been a man about town, so the 'sloppy kisses' part, one takes with many grains of salt, as it's undoubtedly the way he signs all emails... but who doesn't dig/need/appreciate strong hugs and love from old friends in far away lands... we still circle back to each other with ease and interest in who we've evolved into... so there, men and women can be friends.

You must must check out Piers Faccini, his totally talented singer/songwriter brother, on itunes, especially KCRW fans! and if in L.A. check out his show at Hotel Cafe on 23rd in Hollywood. Ahhh, those Faccini bothers.. such a talented a lot.

in the forgetting/remembering room...

All sorts of lovely magic up in here, i've read tarot cards for a long time, before the craft, which is why when that script came around i fought for that part, and willed it to happen... you say pray.. i say will.. it's just semantics, really.
Anyway people say i'm pretty good at it... i like them less for 'fortune telling, or future telling' and more for a reflection of where you are now, what's lingering, good or bad... and maybe some options... 

it's kind of like a shrink in a box really...  you'd be amazed at how the same cards come up over and over if you are dwelling on one particular thing or stuck in a pattern. the archtypes on the cards show you... are the same ones say, Joseph Campbell, breaks down in his books.... nothing devily here, it's simply you taping in to your own intuition.. or tapping into 'gods plan' if that's a more palatable way to phrase it...
  
once at a deli, i heard this voice inside say.. take the other sandwich, not the first one. i heard it, but still took the first. When i got home, there was a big juicy bug in it. and all i could do is giggle and say.. ok, next time i listen you lil' voice.
have you ever heard that little whisper so slight you might miss it, saying turn here instead of there... and you miss the accident you witness in rear view mirror... just intuition.


Be it friend, lover, repair man choice, pet, etc.. i go off energy... and sometimes get fooled, but usually later i remember the whispery truth i'd blatently ignored, because i let desire/want, rather than what i needed, take over. 
oy self control... can't get that out the cards... but they can remind me when i need to take back the reigns, start carving path i want, instead of wandering the Elysian fields aimlessly.

one o' my fav tweets

from the amazing @dreamhampton....

dreamhampton@racheltrue the wide winged witches we are!

 i love this, and retweeted it to day to remind me that the power is always within ones self.... sometimes i am human and forget. 
 

paraphrase of a non date or my folly sans ice.

"you're taking this like a girl" he said.
"i am a girl" i say.
I crack a joke. to break the tension - "how many times a week do you say that to the ladies" as dude from out of town puts on his watch and gathers up his belongings....

"don't be mean" he said.

"huh?" i say...

"you just implied I'm a man whore". he's annoyed.

oops, me and my scorpio mouth, i guess. or was that his defensiveness matching my own?

hadn't been my intent, joke was clearly on/about me, and my folly of thinking... thinking  fun innocent making out all afternoon with someone neat meant you go to dinner together afterward. i mean we'd done dinner before.... 

never assume.

 "i can't... i can't be this intimate (emotionally, now)" he says truthfully.
 "well", i stutter "you don't like the phone and I don't think we're gonna get too intimate, via emails/texts..."

he shrugs that this is true. he's already gone away mentally, just flesh standing before me now.

Because I ♥ awesome me, (that's how i roll), I know with some patience i'll prob get all I desire, romantically. (not from this chap necessarily)
"I... want intimacy, so don't be surprised if i have to disappear then." i say.

another shrug of... agreement.

 a slight sadness now... i didn't want to fade away from he who is already gone....but  ambivalence from men is never a great sign, or empowering... and um, he's already gone....

"women see intimacy as talking, men see sex as a way to be intimate... not that i expected you to sleep w/ me today". he'd said earlier.

i believe that actually. Some men/women do see intimacy as what you share after sex..

Maybe we'd gravitated towards the other, because we were, after all, a safe flirt. he lives away- safe. i'm not an easy girl- safe. i'd wanted to get to know him more.... I guess i did sans words in the weird goodbye at the door, no look back from either party.
He's quite lovely actually, ....even with evident relief, indifference dotting his aura.

The upswing of this all is.... if someone doesn't fit you or dig you,that's O.K., it's about what you want after all. I want to be thought of as lovely, because i am. I'm also an American girl raised on promises and fairy tales, so maybe dude and i will fit at some point, or y'know, not. either way is cool.. because life's just like that.
Having a reaction to a man emotionally shutting down while you watch... doesn't make me a "girl", means i'm not numb. or dumb. I'm present, and i'll look/wait patiently for the smart, funny one not put off by, or scared off by me.

each encounter, albeit brief or way too long, has it's merits and leads to the dude that doesn't walk away sans vittles. the one who isn't so quick to put his watch on.

more German....

Survival phrases 5

1. Du bist süß. = You’re cute.

2. Du bist hübsch. = You’re pretty.

3. Du bist schön. = You’re beautiful.

4. Du bist heiß. = You’re hot.

5. Du bist sexy. = You’re sexy.

I ♥ their blog. true 

 reblogged from GermanHeit
@germanheit on twitter

ps.... cause i can't sleep and all...

 i kinda heart this picture near craft service from a movie i was in.... um, i don't remember my characters' name actually... so i'll call her the chick from a movie i did w/  taye digs....  was called mary janes last dance, then came out under 'new best friend'.. it's a silly movie in the end, and the middle... but was one of those neat actor eperiences, you're on location for 2 months, away from all distractions of home... getting paid to play in front of a camera.

we shot in N.C, and  before filming started, i wandered round town, into a clothing store, where rather promptly, i was asked would you like to be in the 'ethnic' fashion night this week.. um, 'no' i mutter... putting back the blouse i'd been holding so i can pull out my 'i'm black but i'm totally here shooting a movie' card. 

then I end up in a store full of good old  rebel south & Natzi memrobilia, always  touching combo btw... i get out alive and forge forth to one more store.... a NY retired jew running a card shop, so lovely, welcoming and safer.. because for a moment i'd felt unsafe, by myself, weird feeling, i don't often  feel.

anyway, back to why i like this pic... i was playing college.... and y'know i wasn't at all in college... 

my buddy Dom Swain on movie was 18, a hooot, & i spent many a day in the arcade w/ her acting silly, because the director had said on the 1st get together... 'look at my cast, nobody over 25" so y'know us actors, we are whatever you want us to be in a movie... definitely not in REAL LIFE tho fyi... 

this pic to me- captures me playing someone, whose playing someone else in a movie... carrying a secret in my eyes, and loving it.