fought my way outta this one...

singing a lorelie sirens song for you makes me brown eyes blue.

peaceful warrior

I like this pic, it's the my face from a nude, i'm not ashamed to put complete pic up, the body is to be celebrated... but why just for the sake of it... in it's original context.. or if the photog, Lucy Lui wanted to show it, i'd be proud. i remember hating my body so much when this pic was taken..and yet i don't look uncomfortable... wish i'd seen/felt it's power then... it's a great reminder of 'don't it's always seems to go, you don't know what you got till it's gone...., luckily not too far gone! x

holiday does a body good....

more to come on mexicoco.... need time to ruminate on it...




tres nondemominal angels, that greet guest at house we stayed at...

It's clouds illusions i recall... i really don't see clouds, at all....

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living every day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all-

both sides now, baez and joni are just thee bee's knees on this song

i am wondering when i will feel like a grown up....

the 1st pic is from last fall...

because i still just feel like me... which i dig, cause me's alright by me... i guess i thought it would feel... i don't know...know i've grown when i look at my past.. maybe that's what feeling like a grownup is... being able to accept ones self, flaws and all... and not feel defensive when those flaws are pointed out or rear up like a chimera of the past....old habits are certainly ingrained, but i dig new ways of thinking and creating life, not just the life reported on the news... like if i hear 'in these troubled times' one more time on the news...

visit from Mr. Wilde, who'll be beaming down shortly it's said, will do nicely, he brings out the best in me. Mr. Kafka is out 1 guest room.

oh how much i've changed btw... not that i mind... a friend of my dads took this... so i was grown, but some how uncle bruce brought out the girl in the would be woman...

so, not to be macabre or anything..

i've always been fascinated by the song 'don't fear the reaper', yes, sure it's the cowbell... but it's just so perfectly grandiose and of the time... totally into the decade old at leas, Gus Gus cover version...

they used this version as my friends theme song in movie and i was jelly till i realized i've had rad theme songs in a movies, but they put it in, in post, so it's not like you know it's your theme till your watching the movie w/ everyone else... i mean you're not playing the scene with the music on while filming... but yeah, i digress...

point is it's on my player.. and it's gorgeously morose...i'm a sucker for rock and strings. it's very well done, and unless you can take a classic and make it yours why bother. that's why i hate american idol. except for clarkeson. and i hate the soprano sax .yes really. and yes, kenny g must pay.


tonights mumbo jumbo spanish style
as lunas inquieto, esta noche me dan la paz. esta noche duermo un ojo abierto un cerrar de ojos, apartarse de la atracción luminosa.

translation- moons restless, night give me peace. tonight i sleep with one eye open, one eye shut, turning away from the luminous pull.

to live and die in LA

shop window across the street from theatre i was at last night. these chicks shoulda come to gig and chilled- guitar and cello music will soothe the soul.
there's something about this pic that's soooo 80's eh?

This town is our town, It is so glamorous, Bet you'd live here if you could And be one of us- the Go Go's

the dead father

somethings, some expressions, you can't take back, or change...

i was on telly with my dad, who (big surprise) had a verbosely intellectual patois mixed w/ ragey anger that eventually took him out.

i was feeling judged at this moment, why i snapped it. despite his genius IQ and fair to questionable advice/lecture, and love the man could drive you nuts.

he's gone now, and sometimes i still think, oh let me call dad so i can... then i remember, no phone required... just thought waves to the universe now...

this will so not become my death blog, btw... but these are the things that have been going on... and y'know how it rolls....me and my family knew he had @ 5 months left or so-ish at this point.... so, it's frustration at his dominating patriarchol old school dialogue, but sadness that those parry/spar days were numbered....

mumbo jumbo tweets of la luna

me va a golpear en la cabeza, que se encuentra el sueño de mí, para que pueda saludar mañana con la confianza de un ave fénix

-going to hit myself in head, let sleep find me, so i may greet tomorrow with the confidence of a phoenix- (much prettier in espanol!)



la luna está casi lleno, deseo de dormir, como todas las buenas niñas .. se aullido a la luna y las estrellas de la copa de esta noche

-the moon is almost full, i wish for sleep, like all the good girls do..i will howl at the moon and drink from the stars tonight



la luna se está haciendo a mí pensar. la luna está llorando un poco.

-moon is getting to me tonight, think the moon is crying a little

Rachel against the machine

from twitter @mattcherry read this urban legend about the website www.niggabook.com that me & @RachelTrue shut down today http://bit.ly/zOTny *word*

heres the deal, a link niggabook.com had it's url pointing to fb.... why would you type that? you wouldn't till someone tells you it exists.some teets on twitter were like- don't give it attwntion, don't attract it, haven't u seen the secret'.... totally valid.... i wrote back, my methods are for me, and i celebrate the freedom we have to approach things diffrently, and i'd never assume others would should subscribe to them.

that said, 2 phone calls, between me and @mattcherry on twitter... and url was unlinked from Facebook by godaddy... problem solved. by picking up the phone.... not terribly revolutionary, just a tiny effort and ability to deal w/ bad hold music required...
i know i have a big mouth, i'm glad i back it up....

brideshead revisted style

when i was a kid i thought i'd get a baby and/or teddybear and name it Aloysius... now i feel light and indifferent...
i think it's important to enjoy the life one has, and not take to much time mourning the life you wanted, dreamed, even had for a moment...
sometimes i really do sit back and thank the universe for my life as is.
i ♥ the Ram Dass book
Be Here Now..

Don't think about all those things you fear...
just be glad to be here..... xx