thanksgiving w/ every flavor. shot by my bro in law w/ his fab camera i covet.

thanksgiving from Rob King on Vimeo.

found this picture on web... awww, i loved that tiny apt by the sea.. it served me well!

somebody needs to get her winter hair colour on...

 epitome of, hmmm....

what to do w/ ones hair,

when it's curly yet not curly,

and highlights are meandering

into that shade o' blonde.

happy birthday to me.

in those big birthday books everybody has, mine has 2 meanings..

the the day of the Encounter, and the day of Grace.

i look forward to many more graceful yummy encounters  ♥✰✈... and i'm thankful for the gorgeous ones i've already experienced... and the awkward graceless moments, i learn and grow from every single time.

when i was a girl...i was taught to be realistic, but i spent all my time imagining, dreaming anything possible... ;  )

to pair or not to pair?

my friend snapped this...i see me, shy, dazed, & confused that the world keeps going by... (this is not smizing, as tyra would say)  girly woman me as always,  but it's like there's this view i'm missing... and it's right there in front of me...

Anyway today my twitter question was-

never married, because i never wanted to divorce. are we meant to be together a lifetime? i don't know, so i'll just be here now.
i got differing responses, mostly not regarding my query, but rather focused on marriage & projection.

@aliyasking wrote-  RT @racheltrue never married, because i never want to divorce. [so don't audition bcuz you might not get the part? Or show might not last?]

 my reply to her-
@aliyasking you assume too much. i didn't say i don't love... i simply questioned life long marriage.

to question the institution of marriage, (a luxury everyone should have, regardless of orientation) isn't a denial of love. the two aren't mutually exclusive. i love ♥, marriage=tax break to me though, & so many different things to different people.

SO, do you think people are meant to pair up for life?
have you experienced truly happy couples of 10 or more years? are your parents still 'happily' married?
i know a few couples like that, as well as a few i don't socialize with anymore because the lack of having each others back was palpable.
i do think some are meant to find each other and take the journey together.. I'm a romantic American girl raised on promises and the Red, Blue and Violet fairy books... 
and i also believe some souls meetings are meant to be brief encounters... with lasting finger prints.

all hallows eve...rocking on w/ my Nov Scorpio self.

"You're a Scorpio Water Faery"
adorable undrunk boy said. "See me when you're grown" I said with a goodbye cheek kiss. him sweetly laughing, calling, "c'mon, let me give you my num... email...?" as I walked away.(i trust if we are meant to met up someday we will, and that's a bet)
how bloody great is that for any gal, btw nice to feel 'seen,' probably cause I was relaxed, and 'appreciated', probably cause i was 'mellow' me, not wound me. 
The reflection for me is-
A. how like totally fun it is to be flirty! (i know, duh) and um,
B. could learn to conquer nerves and finesse it when the stakes higher. When it's fairly innocent or 'practice flirting' I am, or can be..... lovely, smart, quick,concise, witty, (swear to god, you should see me, i'm very good at a party...) 
So the goal is to become... more and more comfortable in my own skin. May require a chrysalis mayhaps built for 2, or  simplyhanging upside down for a while in Dagoba swamps, to emerge a more present lady when the boy is an interesting/ interested present man. i see the work i can/have do on myself... and know it will take patience with myself & in the end probably a very specific kooky smooky cool dude who'll desire to share himself and delight in discovering layers of the true and truth.

for the ♥ of love ♥

"i feel stupid, and contagious"...sums up dating.
i think it's the same way i felt at this age-----------> (look at that hair & same suspicious look!?)

i admit, I love... love.... not just it's first flush, or the subsequent heart felt flutters, or the lusty luxurious days spent exploring....,but all of it. the digging in and learning/growing, because you want to, because the person means that much, you trust you'll be safe. a great fabulous payoff is sex gets exponentially more intense the deeper you go with each other.

but quite often... i talk too much to cover my nerves with new people, which only serves to hide my intelligence.... i pick up on energy and unwittingly bring up the very thing they're sure they've hidden from sight. mostly, the dudes aren't listening anyway, and if they are they are, i'd love a dollar for every time one says " i don't want to talk, or  have intimate conversation... i just wanted to blow off some steam with you" ...or in other words, 'be the image i have of you.. silent, frozen, lips slightly parted, w/ a manufactured look of desire... y'know, like your pictures, or movies...' 
how do i end up in these situations.. is the real question for myself... and for you-

i will let you down... if that's all you seek from me.

 go blow & fuck yourself average dude.  xx True

p.s. addendendum  
left this blog on the note that the question for me, is of course, what or why do i attract these dudes. that's for me to figure out, not you. i have a lovely collection of ex's btw... brilliant & talented all of them, (except the one w/the 8 pack.. but he had other attributes..)i have much respect for them all, despite their being ex's.
blog isn't a whine as much as.. the actuality of dating the usual suspects of L.A..
and let me not leave out that, just as certain men aren't for me, i've had an equal amount of men i've adored for one reason or another be, um... just not that into me. and that's life.
el fin.

totally needed this in college.... (via.. @dreamhampton) reblog from Paulo Coelho's

I am not in the state below currently (thank Allah)... but i have been plenty, So, when saw this I thought what a great reminder that despite loves delight to wound, and see us bleed, it is also exquisite, joyous, yummy and oh sooooooo worth it. ♥ 

reblogged from Paulo Coelho’s Blog

reblogged from Paulo Coelho’s Blog

Speaking of (not my) kids...

rest assured if i watch your kid, i will absolutely put kid in laundry basket o'fun at some point. 

Lastly one of my curls fell across his face & you get Baby Rabbi or Rabbi Baby if we're following  muppet babies lore...

kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

      I've done super neato stuff like this..

and other stuff, like making movies on location, travels with friends and lovers around the globe (totally awesome!)

but...

 kids look like the neatest thing I've yet to do... or possibly won't do.

I'm not sure I've even played a mom, then my sister goes has a real live toy baby. Thoughts of my own indifference/ desire for children.. i've always wanted them, figured i'd have one... i just never really thought much about when etc. I trace back to childhood, (living in a podunk white Town, technically a Village) the message via the media & my own parents was- 'black girls get pregnant just looking at dudes...bla bla blabla bla  bla'. that mythical over sexualized image of 'black girl' as whore continued on through college... always weird to meet a college age kid who believes jews have tails and every brown girl owes him a blow job. it all left small scabby scars, that years later, I'd open up, make peace, rub bio-oil on, and be content that I don't tend to keloid. 
 

 I totally look forward to (possibly) having a kid,and whatever encounters/ adventures the futures yet to proffer..  being here now, present in this moment is enough.

 being here, right now, is gorgeous.

i learn a lot hanging with my friends & their baby loves, kids will lay some amazingly deep shit on you if you listen, some of my best teachers have been under 10

side bar- Alec Mapa and his husband J. are in the process of adopting a child, he invited me to his 'child care' classes, which i declined. I've strong suspicion he invited me in case they get a black baby and need hair help.

my sis and 8 month old True, who looks just like our dad did in baby pictures.

there's just no denying being a mother looks sublime.

sculpting, nurturing  little minds looks more challenging than walking a lion.

anyone can put their own life in their 'own hands', driving, walking about town, or walking beasts...but can you put someone elses new life in your hands...i mean, that kid is not moving out anytime soon!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS- Side bar-these were some of my minds rules as a kid, bless my twisted heart

• never eat watermelon in public
• never eat watermelon and chicken together in public
  
•  never get stuck carrying what was called the 'ghetto blaster'
• remind that one teacher to not call me Racial, goddammit.
  
• become invisible despite/because i looked different
• read lot's of books to deflect from reality of an upstate NY winter  
• be self depricating when scoring highest on tests or suffer the white wrath.
• never call attention to self.
• see above, except while on the bass guitar in 'jazz' band; go wild w/ you fender precision bass playing self, (ps. future you says what's up w/ the headbands girl!)
• never ever wear bangs again (oy, baby rachel)
• beinvisible -became one word for me.