older brother in arms

when i was @ 9 months-4 yrs and living w/ lovely old people, Oma and Opa, foster care, but not really, but kinda actually - people found in the paper who took in kids, my folks indisposed shall we say...- my older brother bunked above me and quite often peed the bed...i wondered why when he was the elder by years? why he'd throw bubble gum at my hair during the night resulting in having to cut it all off.... just why?

Many secrets later, i know i'm fortunate to have not seen the images burning up his little mind. glad i missed it, who wants another baby round when the shit's going down...

I called Aaron the elder, to let him know our younger 1/2 brother Roc, had passed. Sadly, brother Aaron had managed to avoid EVER meeting other brother due to his pesky 20 yr drug haze.

he freaked and yelled a lot, like it was my doing he'd never met Roc and his time bomb of a heart condition...
splotchy silent tears despite knowing his anger was at himself...
family, u gotta love them but they'll get you every time.

what's silly is memories of this were triggered whilst watching 'the women, goupies, of the hair band LA sunset strip scene', on VH1. mentioned old style hollywood clubs.....

when i was a very underage teen on a rare visit to my mom in LA, we went straight from airport to the Cathay De Grand, she knew everyone there and instucted me to say I was her sister, which i did. then an after hours spot... then another after hours spot.... elder brother never got to pretend he was her brother...yet he's the one w/ drug issues, NOT me..how is that possible? then i remember...i didn't see what he saw.
look at that face, os full of promise...a beautiful beautiful boy... at this age already carrying so much on his little shoulders, i guess that's the kinda weight that you never drop....